Apollo, there was a time we had conversations that flowed till morning and we would have to call in sick to catch some sleep. Funny how I am remembering us now when all I ever do is talk about you spitefully. Best believe there was a time I longed for you. I needed to hear you talk. You lifted me up when my insecurities plagued my mind.
We held hands always. Me who cowered away at any public displayed of affection walked the streets hand in yours. I felt invincible. I could face anything even the busybodies who had nothing good to say about the flat bed of a chest I carried. Apollo, you were my best friend. I had pictured us having matching gravestones because we would last till the last breath.
This morning would have been our anniversary, twelve years tied to the hip. Sharing a bathroom and trading horrible dad jokes at breakfast. Watching as our four boys hide behind the couch to avoid catching the contagious warped humor. Going out later to our favorite restaurant ordering the same meal we had on our first date.
I am fighting a blush here, the day I walked down the aisle into your waiting arms. The vows we recited, my vows took a month to write. I seek perfection and what I said to you on that altar was art on paper that I crafted until my heart was glad. I meant every word Apollo, I don’t think yours meant anything at all. Look where we are, strangers.
Take me back to when life was simple, caught up in blissful glee. Shared smiles and jokes. When calls lasted for hours and it was never enough. Honeymoon phase they called it, I would surprisingly go back to those days. Anything to remind me of the person you were. The man that made me giggle and avert my eyes from his gaze because of how shy he made me. Walks back to my place until we eventually moved in together.
Moments so great, remember we ruined a boxed cake ! Who does that, the instructions might as well have been on a liqour billboard,you can’t miss those. The day you proposed, you were so on edge,frequent trips to the bathroom stall. You said you had a bad case of constipation. It was amazing, close friends and family. You listened when I said I dont like crowds. Can’t believe I am saying this but I miss that Apollo. My Apollo who made toast extra crunchy cause I like it that way. I miss him.
It’s sad we cannot even look each other in the eye without wanting to cause a war. Where did it all go wrong? Apollo is it because we bore sons that are as headstrong as their mother? Is it because I remind you of your past? Apollo we started out struggling, we had nothing but we made something. Could you enlighten me? You were always good at numbers if words fail you. Plot the graphs when we started to dip. Give me anything, I’ll take it.
Did you ever love me? Right or wrong, doesn’t matter how. But did you ever feel like I’d be the future you wanted? Tell me, did you think of me in your every waking moment? Was I a thought you retrieved in a heartbeat? Would you have saved me if I was drowning or was it a ruse? Rumor had it I was a tough catch and bets had been placed to bed me. Was I a challenge? A notch for the irresistible man walking the earth? Did my mystery draw you in? The secrets swimming behind my eyes? Let me know Apollo. I doubt what we had, what I thought we had was ever real? If it was, why did you leave? Why? But now I’ll tell tales of Apollo when he was mine and when things burst into flames.