Photo by Kaique Rocha: https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-hanging-bridge-surrounded-by-green-forest-trees-775201/

In Between

My friend called me crying, and my heart began racing. She told me she was pregnant. I started planning a doctor’s visit to determine how far along she was and what actions we’d take. In my panic, I missed the excitement in her voice. The tears were not because she was scared; she was excited. She wanted the baby.

Another friend announced his engagement during a party. He had proposed to his girlfriend under the night sky on their vacation together. Congratulatory hugs and cheers were passed along. How are they so calm? What’s the excitement about?

Apollo, the conversations are changing. Babies. Weddings. Mortgage. Families. How did we get here? I don’t recall boarding a flight, ship or whatever transport was offered. Was there a stop, and I failed to alight?

I thought we were still kids racing down the hill, children enjoying the little joys of life. When did we grow up, Apollo? How are we making these major life changes? Aren’t we kids having kids? When did child marriages become legal?

Apollo, are we the new adults? Is that why the estate children stop kicking the ball when I pass by and why my bedtime is not later than 10:30, lest I wake up grumpy? Could it explain why we have alarms to take our multivitamins on time? This transition to being uncles, aunties, mums, and dads is confusing.

It could be the fear that the people I love are growing old, this feeling that I should have achieved more than what I have now, or a ticking clock of expectations that remain unmet, unfulfilled, and unlived.

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited, but on the other hand, I am feeling overwhelmed. The real term is freaking out. My legs are rubbery, and my stomach is moving at speeds that would impress race cars. There’s a pounding in my head that weirdly feels like a Metallica band gone rogue. Given my overworking sweat glands, I could easily provide an acre of farmland with water.

Apollo, I am unsure what’s guiding the other: existential crisis or plain fear. Although I’ll remain surprised by life events, I’ll try to take each in stride. Enjoy the news without crashing out and thinking about the worst-case scenarios. My darling, we are growing old. Pour me something that will jolt me alive, then hold me till my eyes become dry. This might take a while to sink in.

(c) Twisted Empress

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