The bell rings repeatedly, the person at the door is impatient. It must be a delivery, time is forever running out on them.
“Miss, your package please sign here. Have a lovely day,” he rushes to his car. A lovely day, a dream far fetched I can’t remember the last time it was lovely.
In my hands, my package;thirteen roses and from my research, thirteen roses means I have a secret admirer?. They are black, my favorite color. He gets a plus✔️ for the effort. Black like the cavity in my chest. He knows me well, I’m proud of him. I fall into a daze, it’s a habit I derive pleasure in.
She knew love, that feeling surreal and swooning turning knees to jelly. She knew pain, cutting the insides, crumbling and numbing all the emotions. She knew how it felt to be alone but surrounded by people.
When the pain cuts too deep and the night keeps you from sleeping. Just look and you will see that I will be your remedy.
Adele – Remedy
She was strong , she survived and forgave because the burdens were already too heavy to bear. She looked at the mirror, the physical scars were fading but the sunken eyes told of the sleepless nights.
She needed a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. It was easy, the wish was so simple. The shoulders offered were so many ?, so many that it felt fake?. She didn’t trust even her own image lied to her.
She couldn’t let them in, conceal don’t feel. They wouldn’t know she was hurting, she was a mess. They left eventually, why stay where there are no benefits? It broke her heart that everything was a business. Profit was above humanity and the value of friendship or even love. The few who fought on were almost giving up.
Darkness reigned over her, she lost the light so many years ago. She couldn’t accept any new burning embers to ignite a fire in the warmth of the cold she adored. She was a breathing corpse who would experience momentary bliss just to be swallowed back into the dead. She lost belief in living and in the world of the living.
I place my roses in my favorite vase and set them on my desk. I smile, the thought counted and the love too. The love that was real not like the here today gone tomorrow mess.
She is me, me is she
Funny how silence is golden but we drown in the noises of our ghosts.