I’m in bed again, the fourth or fifth day in a row. I’m no longer sure, I’m hiding from the world because I’m scared thoughtless and all the lesses you could think of. It’s so bad ?.
My eyes are droopy and weigh a tonne now. Maybe I think I’ve lost my sight somewhere between the 10th maybe 15th movie that has kept me in bed this long. ?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t smell like a dumpster. Mama raised a lady? so I’ve been having bathroom breaks and showers and the occasional snacks. ?
The life of an introverted girl with anxiety and a great fear of crowds??. See my life ??.
I’ve been trying to write and it’s like climbing Everest and for a lazy bum like me that’s a torturous task. ? I wanted to write about my struggles with self acceptance and esteem issues because I know it’s there and it happens.
There was a time i couldn’t look in a mirror because I literally cried. I had this ashy skin with an army of acne advancing too fast for my skin batallion to slay it down. ?
I thought that it’ll never end and trust me I tried all natural therapies. Lemon masks and facial scrubs, aloevera, egg white and even flour ??. It took a while to accept that I was not that off?.
I was uncomfortable in shorts, dresses or skirts that were above the knee because well i had this bouncy meat …a.k.a the calves or gastrocnemius and soleus muscle?. I found it really disturbing that everyone around me had firm muscles while here I was with wiggly jiggly calves?.
Then came the forehead?, looking like it bears all the wisdom of Solomon and Methuselah. I hated it? I was so uncomfortable especially when my friends teased me about it but hey, the bigger the forehead the bigger the memory cache??.Cheers to the forehead gang ?.
I remember there was a time I looked like chopsticks so thin that I would have easily auditioned and passed for a *save the children campaign poster child*. Blame it on school and workload and my really bad eating habits. ?
Then puberty came calling? or more like it barged in and voila, the fat came and became an unwanted resident. It was here to stay and well we developed some understanding and lived in harmony. ?
Years down the line, I can proudly look in the mirror and smile. The mirror is bae now?. The occasional breakout is there but it’s not a cause of worry because I believe it doesn’t really make a difference ?.
I’m beautiful in and out, day or night, rain or sunshine. Dawn breaks, light pierces the darkness and well our bodies will listen to us if we listen to them. Besides give it time and everything will fall into place beautiful.
Love yourself and everyone can come in later. Embrace your flaws and perfection. Harmonise yourself with you and the magic will just come alive?. Baby you’re a masterpiece and they can’t pull you down?.
Beyoutiful love ?.