scratch that, I have no strength to write again. This is why I was afraid to fall because you would not pick me up. I got lost in a maze of my own doing, I actually thought that you would be different.
I religiously check my phone each day, going through all the social apps hoping to see your name pop up.
I never intended for this to happen, if I could, I’d close off my heart never to feel again. I ask for too much, isn’t it?
The distance, do you feel it too or am I just being clingy? Never mind, you know I… It’s not even that important, maybe I am just being a burden. It is not a new feeling, I always feel like I am just being trouble to everyone else. You were kind enough to stay but you got tired just like everyone else and left.
Maybe it’s life’s subtle way of saying I am not cut out for this things. This thing that leaves me feeling all kind of zoo animals and sick to the core. I am trying to act nonchalant but I am breaking out in hives deep inside. Life should probably come with a manual cause this far I think I put the engine in the gear box and the oil in the water valve.
I am calling out your name in my sleep,repeating it like a mantra soothing like Sinatra. Yearning for just a little explanation,tell me I am not enough and I’ll accept it. I need the truth,I am but a fly in your web. Kill me or let me live.