Twisted Empress

GOODBYES AREN’T EASY

I’ve been writing so many letters,to my crush,to my kids, myself and anyone else that felt like I needed to express myself too. There’s so much on my mind and sometimes writing is not enough well because some feelings are better expressed in action not colored words or a dozen emojis. It’s so hard trying sometimes to express myself because I’m not sure if I’m making any sense or I’m just another lonely girl writing away to fill the silence in her world.

Sometimes I wish I could actually channel my mind as it is to words so maybe you’d see exactly as I see it but I can’t. Roses are red but there’s someone who hates red. I admit that I’m carried away sometimes and I just let my imagination take over. That girl in the corner reading a novel, living a life in her head that might never come true but keeping hope alive.

Singing along to songs that build a smile on her face,hoping one day, maybe just one day she could actually not be so shy anymore. That she could stand in front of others confidently in her shaky voice sing along without feeling like she’s being condemned to death. Maybe one day having a best seller on New York Times,maybe being a star so bright like the ones she stares up late at night watching.

Goodbyes are hard because I’m trying to say goodbye,not the goodbye of see you in another life but a goodbye that I might not be back blogging for a while. It’s not a re-brand more like a time of wandering and wondering if this is what I want. I’m not trying to find myself well because I’m too far gone to retrace my steps. I hope you miss me. It’s petty but I’ll miss you for real.?

I won’t forget the ones who never left,who read everything even the boring ones, the crazy ones and the weird ones. The ones who encouraged me and were my inspiration. The ones who had to endure the madness when it came to the writing rush. I really get jumpy when I have an awesome story and I talk and dance a lot. Did I tell you I dance? Well I dance and sing and write and read and sleep and watch movies a lot. I really love dancing and singing and I hope that one day I’ll get to do everything I love.

So dear crush, I’ll still think of you in the night and hope you get to know the little things that make me happy. I’ll keep your memories in the page of my diary.Dear babies of mine,I’ll pray for you and wait patiently till I can hold you in my arms ,give you all my love and affection. Dear darkness, I’ll keep fighting and moving up till the only thing around me is a halo so bright you’ll cower. Dear Mr Man, I hope you find your peace and fulfillment in the word. Whoever, if you didn’t listen I’m gone now but you can still look for me. Crevices, you didn’t leave your lover for me but boobae, I got new rules. And you aren’t on my new schedule anymore.